I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
