yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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