He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
