thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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