Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
