You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
