butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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