Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
