we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
