my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
