I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
