Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
