I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's official drugs can't kill me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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