I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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