i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
