he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
