He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
