I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
