Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
