The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
