At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
