right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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