Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
