The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my shit smells like andre
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
