I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
