Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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