His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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