i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
