Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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