Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
