Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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