apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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