Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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