I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
