Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
