I CAN MOONWALK!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
