it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
