At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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