He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think my moral compass just broke
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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