You made me cry and you don't even care
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
