Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
