dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
