May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
