Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
