It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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