I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
