Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
