now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
