Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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