Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
