just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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