Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
