I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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