Someone shit on the floor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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