So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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