I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
